Wedding Mishap of the Century

Hiii! So... I'm linking up with Recently Roached, and seeing all these crazy posts about stuff that went wrong at weddings. Well, folks. I'm gonna be the winner. I have two words for you. Car Wreck.Now is the time where I follow those two words with a bunch of words that won't make sense until you read the rest of the story:
crying. wedding dress. jerkface tow truck. yelling. cops. tuxedo. pointing. cell phones. radiator. reception. fender bender. makeup. laptop. music.
Now, I don't feel like writing a novel, so I'm going to give you the quick version. Our wedding ceremony was at 2:00 p.m., and our reception was at 7:00 p.m. We took our wedding pictures right after the wedding, but since it was a thousand degrees outside, we made them as quick as possible. After the pictures were done, we were sent on our merry little way to get some 7/11 slurpies and head back to the hotel to hang out for a while. 

The clock rang 6:30, and it was time to hop into the car and make our way to our beautiful reception (that we didn't really ever see). 

I insisted on driving. In my wedding dress. I think that slurpie was spiked with a little something extra, because that was a stupid decision. Anyway, we're driving down the I-15 from Provo to American Fork, and we make it to the exit. Husband is picking wedding music, and making a playlist on his laptop.The light is red. There is a car in front of me. .... I stopped in time. PSYCH! But then.... (bum, bum, bum) The car in front of me turned right (or so I thought). I followed him. Oops. He had slammed on his brakes for no apparent reason. I hit him going 5 mph. If even that. We got out of the car (me crying like a maniac on the side of the highway in my wedding dress, Mike being manly and authoritative in his tuxedo), and Hubby went to talk to the guy. We had it all figured out. The damage was almost non-existent. Insurance info had been swapped. We were getting back in the car to leave. The time is now 7:30 p.m.

But then.... (bum, bum, bum) 

Enter Jerkface. Jerkface was a tow truck driver. He threatened to call the police and tell them that it was a hit and run. He convinced the other driver to report it then instead of the next day. 

Enter police. The time is now 8:15 p.m. 

Jerkface lies to police and says he witnessed the accident. Crazy Maniac Zombie Bride with the Running Mascara is not okay with that. She starts yelling at Jerkface, calling him a liar, wedding ruiner, and telling him that he has ruined the most important day of her life and she hopes somebody ruins his wedding day so that he knows how it feels. Police know that this girl is crazy, and decide to feel bad for her and not give her a ticket. Police reports are filled out, and we are allowed to leave. 

But then.... (bum, bum, bum) 

Enter car trouble. The time is now 8:50 p.m. The car will not start. It becomes apparent that the headlight poked a small hole in the brand new radiator of my in-laws' van. 

Enter Father-in-law (also known as the knight in shining armor). The time is now 9:05 p.m. He helped us get the car into a safe place, and took us back to the reception. 

We arrived at 9:30 p.m. to a pitch black backyard, scarcely populated reception, and leaning wedding cake. All of my makeup was gone, and I was extremely upset. People said, "someday you'll laugh about this." I resisted the urge to punch them in the face. They were right, but that's beside the point.

As much as I wished the reception had gone differently, the important stuff was there. I got my first dance with my husband, and I got to have cake smashed in my face. And I will never forget the feeling when my husband sat me down and sang the song "Wonderful Tonight" to me (he changed the words to the last verse on a whim, and sang about getting to the reception two and a half hours late). 

Sorry for the novel.